Stream of thought


## Stream of Thought on Food, Mindfulness, and Being Human

To start off, I should probably be extreme and only eat whole foods that will get me off the ground. I don’t have to worry about anybody else, and others can eat whatever they want.

I think my whole life I’ve had this misconception that food and being human is all about enjoying the taste of food. But what I think I’m coming to realize is that in this age where we have plentiful food, we need to be mindful about what we put in our bodies and choose to eat foods that are whole, unprocessed, and close to the earth.

This is because if the food you eat causes more suffering for yourself than it adds, then you should have nothing to do with it.

However, being human and celebrating are times when it’s OK to eat what you want, especially when you don’t have a choice and someone is offering you food. If somebody’s offering you food, that is the most human thing there is — when somebody offers you food, you take it and enjoy it, especially if it tastes really good.

Now, I have to make a plan in order to stick with this because if I don’t, I’m probably just going to revert to my old self and eat what I crave, which is the stuff that kills me.

This plan involves eating food that is closer to the earth, mostly plants, and with minimal added sugar, if not zero added sugar. I can eat whole, unprocessed meats that are as organic as possible and treated as humanely as possible.

I’m not going to bother anybody else about my diet, and I’m not going to tell anybody about my diet unless they ask. Anyone else, specifically my wife, can eat what they want; it’s up to them to make the same choices and come to the same realization.

However, if my wife offers me food, I will not refuse it outright. I will take a few bites just to experience the human connection.

When I’m not feeling good, I need to remember that my feelings are just a suggestion. If my feelings tell me to talk or tell somebody what to do to make myself feel better, I should just keep quiet.

When I’m not feeling good, it is especially important to listen to others, my body, and the world. Listen, don’t talk.

Maybe I should start a blog, not to preach my ideas to others, but simply to write them down, so whoever wants to read it can read it.


Stream of Thought on Food, Mindfulness, and Being Human


# How to Live in a One-Bedroom Apartment with a Six-Month-Old

### Intro

Living in a one-bedroom apartment with a baby sounds like a recipe for chaos, doesn’t it? Here’s the thing, though: with some thought and a little flexibility, it can work. There’s a rhythm you find along the way, and sometimes it’s even more manageable than you’d think. Let’s talk about how.

### Space Is Your Biggest Challenge—But Also Your Best Friend

When you’re tight on space, you’ve got to be clever. You quickly learn what’s essential and what’s just taking up room. Every square inch starts to matter. Cribs, changing stations, toys—they’re all competing with your regular stuff, like your work setup and a couch that used to be just for you. But here’s the silver lining: smaller spaces force you to simplify, to focus on what really matters. And honestly, that’s not such a bad thing.

### Divide and Conquer, Even in a Small Space

Our one-bedroom is split into zones now. The living room? That’s my workspace during the day, and by night, it transforms into family central. The bedroom? It’s not just for sleep anymore. It’s also where we’ve squeezed in the baby’s crib—our own tiny sanctuary of calm in the middle of it all. You make it work with what you’ve got, adapting as you go.

### Rethink What “Quiet” Means

Let’s be real: babies aren’t quiet. When my six-month-old is napping, it’s like tiptoeing around a minefield. You don’t realize how loud a keyboard can be until you’re trying not to wake a baby with every keystroke. But you get used to a different kind of “quiet,” where the hum of life goes on but in a softer, quieter way. It’s a balance between keeping things low-key and still managing to live your life.

### Boundaries, Not Walls

One thing you realize fast is that walls don’t make boundaries—routine does. We’ve developed a routine that helps set a rhythm for our day, even without physical separations. When it’s time for work, it’s work time, even if the desk is a few feet from the crib. When it’s family time, the laptop closes, and we’re present together. Sure, it’s fluid, but it works.

### Help from Grandma and Grandpa

Let’s be honest—sometimes, you need backup. Having Grandma and Grandpa around, even if it’s just for a few hours here and there, is a game changer. When we need a break or just some time to catch up on things that require focus, their support is priceless. It’s amazing how a short visit can turn a chaotic day around. And honestly, sharing these early months with family creates memories that are just as meaningful for them as they are for us.

### Moving In with Family—The Right Call for Now

After some thought, we decided to make a bigger move: back in with Grandma and Grandpa. Yep, we’re doing it. Saving up while giving ourselves some breathing room for the next phase just felt right. Instead of rushing into a place that might work, we can focus on finding a space that truly fits our family’s needs. It’s a decision that comes with its own challenges, but honestly, it’s a relief to know we’ll have extra support. 

There’s comfort in sharing this time with family, in making our journey a little less pressured. And as much as it’s about saving, it’s also about taking time to find a home where we can finally settle.

### The Mental Side of It

Honestly, the hardest part might just be adjusting your expectations. Living in one room with a baby is a test of patience and flexibility. Some days you feel like you’re bumping into the same walls, both literally and metaphorically. But here’s the thing: you’re sharing all of it with this little person who’s discovering the world. That reminder makes the cramped space feel a bit more expansive.

### Conclusion

Living in a one-bedroom apartment with a six-month-old isn’t a Pinterest-perfect setup, but it’s real, and it’s ours. Now, as we move on to a new phase with family, we’re finding a way to make the most of this time—learning to live with less, together. At the end of the day, it’s not about the square footage—it’s about the life you build within those walls.

![apartment picture](/six-month-apartment.webp)

How to Live in a One-Bedroom Apartment with a Six-Month-Old


## Anger stream of consciousness

#### What would the tao say?
When you get angry. Sometimes it's best to let it rest. Don't do anything. Follow the Tao and do nothing. 
If expressing your anger in an angry way is the only way, you give away control to the world.
Anger is a reflection of your attachment.
Give into life like water and be in sync with life. It is important to stay in harmony with the natural rhythms of life. Practice patience and let go of the attachment.
Anger come from unmet desires and expectations. Which means were holding onto something too tightly. We need to let go and return to a state of calm and non-resistance.

#### What the f*** do I Mean?

Having a baby is hard. You don't sleep well. And in this case all I wanted was to sleep through the night. My attachment was to sleep, and with our beautiful boy he doesn't like to let us sleep. He expects us to wake up for him. And in my own fault I got angry and decided that it's time to complain loudly and rudely. This in turn made everything worse

#### What did I expect?

It seems that my expectation was to sleep through the night. In reality, this is not realistic given our current situation in a one bedroom apartment.

#### How can I revert to the Tao

I need to lower my expectations of sleep. This is not my time to sleep well. This is my time to be like water and embrace the dark mornings. Go for a walk completely alone (with the dog of course).

Another option is I can sleep on the couch, with an eye mask and ear plugs.

#### Tim why haven't you done that yet?

Well, i've never slept well and it seems that i'm afraid that if I try that I will fail too.

#### Conclusion

Look at every strategy on how to get more sleep, and apply them. If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail. 😴


Sometimes You Get Angry


### Intro

I’ve been thinking about something called virtue signaling. Here’s a quick definition:

Virtue signaling is the act of showcasing one's moral values or beliefs to gain approval or admiration from others, often with little genuine commitment to the cause. It emphasizes appearing virtuous rather than truly engaging with the issue at hand.

But I don’t think this fully explains why the happiest people can also be the saddest.

It’s not that these people lack commitment to spreading joy; rather, in many cases, they mask their personal struggles by projecting an image of happiness. They put forth a version of themselves that’s easier for the world to accept, but underneath, they’re still battling their own mental struggles.

What I’m getting at is, when someone appears overwhelmingly positive on the outside, it’s worth asking—what are they trying to hide on the inside?

### Experience

Personally, I’ve got a lot of emotions that I struggle with. I don’t think that’ll ever stop. Sometimes they hit hard, and you just wish they’d go away. Eventually, they do. Sometimes, it’s writing or focusing on something you believe is valuable that helps ease the weight. But this internal battle is something that everyone is constantly dealing with, whether or not they show it.

### Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover

So, if you run into someone on the street who seems standoffish or rude, keep in mind that they might just be unable to manage their emotions at that moment. Sometimes, all it takes is a lack of sleep, a restless night, or—trust me on this—six months of raising a child (Roman is six months old now, and that’s no joke).

### Does It Matter to Be Productive in Times of Emotional Distress?

Probably not, but that doesn’t erase the fact that you still have commitments—to yourself, your boss, and the world around you.

### Stop Complaining

Complaining without action is a waste of time. Yes, I realize the irony in that statement—it’s intentional.

### So, Why Are the Happiest People Actually the Saddest?

Here’s the truth: there aren’t any purely “happy people” or “sad people.” We’re all somewhere on our own emotional roller coaster. You can be really happy one moment and the saddest person in the world an hour later. It’s all about where you are in that snapshot of time.

### People Have Emotional Averages

If you looked at someone’s happiness over a period of time, you could probably average it out. Maybe that average is a better indicator of who they are emotionally.

### Averages Are Often Misleading

It’s no secret that averages can be misleading. If someone is mostly unhappy but constantly puts a positive spin on the world, does their emotional average really matter?

### Conclusion

The happiest people might seem like they have it all together, but that image doesn’t always match what’s going on inside. It’s a façade, a way of dealing with life’s ups and downs. Everyone has their struggles, and those who smile the brightest often do so to keep the darkness at bay. Remember, emotions fluctuate, and happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin. The key is to understand that no one is ever just one thing. We’re all riding that roller coaster—sometimes up, sometimes down, but always moving forward.

![graph of emotions](/happiness_fluctuation_with_bubbles.svg)